bittersweet.

Only girls who date guys with small peens are forced to tell this lie. Fortunately, that’s not me. My man is well hung and I am satisfied! But nothing can make a small penis shrink in size faster than hearing that dreaded sentence, and she is well aware of that. Hence the need to stretch the truth. Besides, if it bothered her that much then she wouldn’t let your tiny man member near her va-jay-jay.

Are you starting to notice a trend? Most lies girls tell are linked to your man-meat. Because everyone knows that any good relationship is based on telling your guy how awesome he is in bed. She can’t very well push you off of her and say “What the hell are you doing?” A girl with any kind of manners at all would never do such a thing. She knows that the best time to talk about your sexual prowess, or lack thereof, is not 5 minutes after you thought you made her climax. Keep in mind, this lie also goes hand in hand with faking an orgasm.

Have I told this lie? Of course. What woman hasn’t? But I have to say, most lies leave me feeling guilty, so as I’ve grown wiser through the years I have started answering my boyfriend with a resounding, “NO.” Hey if I didn’t orgasm then I didn’t orgasm, it’s definitely not for a lack of trying on his part. But I will say that 9 out of 10 times ain’t bad. Just know that if you weren’t rockin’ your significant other’s world on a regular, then he/she wouldn’t be with you. So take this one on the chin.

Sure, this one seems harmless enough but nonetheless it is a little white lie. Truth is, your girl wants you to go out and have fun with the guys, just not too much fun. Why? Because it’s kind of hard for her to continue her delusion of you being miserable without her if she sees you coming home with a smile plastered on your face and she’s not the one who put it there. So go out, have fun with the guys, and enjoy it, just let the first thing out of your mouth when you get home be, “I missed you, babe.”

Ladies love this one. Guys, don’t fall for it. No matter how fervently she promises not to get mad at you. It’s a trap. Keep your mouth shut, because the second you spill the beans you can bet your ass, or any other part of your body, that you won’t be getting any poon-tang anytime soon. Honestly, I can’t tell you why women use this one. I guess it’s just so we can get you to fess up to what you did. It gives us more ammunition to use on you later.

Now, most guys think that these two go together. If your girlfriend tells you that she forgives you then that’s that, the dark cloud has gone and you will never again have to return to that conversation. But that’s not what she is thinking. She’s thinking, “He’s so cute, but damn he’s stupid” And just as sure as she’s had that thought, months later, when you’re sitting on the couch in front of the TV scratching your nads and watching the game, she’s going to come in screaming and hollering and whatever that blowout was that you thought was long forgotten will be dredged up and thrown in your face. LMAO…mark my words.

These are quite possibly the most dangerous three words in the English language. Because if she’s saying she’s not mad, then it means she’s livid. So, why does she keep saying it? She thinks that if she says it enough times it will make it true. But alas, as you and I both know, that’s not true. So, I suggest you hide all the things you love and run for cover because it’s only a matter of time before her head explodes from all the seething anger coursing through her veins.

She’s LYING! Who the hell doesn’t know if they want to get married?! If she ever says this what she’s really saying is one of two things; either she wants to get married but is in denial about the fact, or she’s scarred that if she admits she wants to tether herself to you it will leave you running for the hills. Any woman who doesn’t want to get married will say so flat out, without having to pause to think about it. In this case, just stereotype us. IDK means yes.

This is a huge untruth. Why? Because she wants to change everything about you. Unless you’re a flaming meterosexual, then your girlfriend hates your clothes, hates your apartment decor, and thinks you are in desperate need of the kind of makeover only she can give you. Sleep with one eye open guys, or you may wake up in the morning all manscaped.

Every woman knows that if her boyfriend’s friends love her then she’s home free. And if she really does love your BFFs then good for you, you’ve found a keeper. But if you see her cringe a bit or her skin crawl at the mere mention of them then you know she’s lying. Why would she pretend to love your boys? Well, you just answered your own question. They’re your boys! If she doesn’t put on this facade then it’s going to force you to choose between them and her, and there’s a 50/50 chance that she could lose, so…

aasede:

(via sostupuh)

cigarettesandsunsets:

ohitskpeeeezy:

mjoyy:

xenocryst21:

saabmagalona:

(via justineaure)

For all you haters and name callers.

(via holakathy)

clarissalynn:

(via ginellephant)